Childhood Punishment or Aduthood Reward? Some of our friends think the “punishments” we give our kids are a bit weird. We have never been ok with things like spanking*, but have created a system of learning and self-care we hope they can carry throughout their lives.
After all, we want to raise happy, healthy, contributing members of society who can think for themselves and show respect where respect is due, without driving their parents up the wall while they’re growing up.
Here are the most common “punishments” we give our kids that many adults would also benefit from incorporating into their daily lives:
Exercise
When our kids are having a hard day:
- Constant Bickering
- Not Listening to Parental Requests
- Being Flat Out Mean
They get “punished” with exercise
- Don’t take the trash out after being asked 3 times, run the stairs (we live on the 20th floor of a condo building) and THEN take the trash out
- Picking on your sister, do 20 push-ups. Pick on her again? Do 50.
- Hitting your brother? Grab the deck of cards and do 10 cards. (Deck of Cards Exercises below)
Oftentimes, when kids, and adults too, are having a hard day, it just feels good to take some time away from the situation and pump it out. It gives you a chance to get out the aggression you’re feeling and some time to mentally process the situation.
Next time you feel like you’re ready to explode at work, take a few minutes and
- Go climb the stairs
- Pump out some push-ups or squats
- Or just get outside and walk around the block
Say Something Nice
Now that we have a tween, I have noticed the tendency to say hurtful things, just to get a rile out of a sibling. This leads to both of them being mad and continuing the negative comments, eventually leading baby sister to start crying, or feel the need to flat out punch her brother, just to get him to stop.
Then they’re both in trouble for being jerks.
So recently, I have decided that whenever I notice the unnecessary name-calling starting, they have to stop and say something nice to each other.
The first time I said it, they both looked at me like I was crazy. Then tried to come up with sarcastic compliments. “At least you’re smarter than a pig.”
When I said it had to be real, they began to really look at each other and came up with some decent complements.
Within minutes of complementing each other, they were playing nicely in the back seat and having a normal conversation.
Adults go through this too, we start having very negative feelings towards other people. Maybe an argument with a spouse or co-worker has you wanting to strangle them.
Take a moment, maybe after a few minutes of exercising out the anger, and think of a nice thing about that person, even if it’s just that they have cute shorts on that day or make decent coffee. Think about it and compliment them on it.
It resets you both to a positive mental space so that you can move on and accomplish something.
Take Away Screens
Taking away screens or the internet is the classic punishment these days. But it works.
Screen distract us from what’s going on in life
- Social Media
- YouTube Videos
- Constant News updates
- Video Games
Usually, the reason parents take away screens is because they have asked their child to do something multiple times but the child has zoned them out, while on said screen.
Removing the distraction makes them more aware of what is going on around them.
Again, adults too!
How many times have you been talking to your spouse while they’re staring at their phone and they completely ignored you? It’s so frustrating!!!!!
Put away the screens!
Just like parents often try to limit kids’ screen time, limit your own as well. Set an hour or 2 each day to check social media, read the news, or watch some stupid cat videos, then put the phone down and communicate with the people in your life!
I have tried to make it a habit that if I am on my phone (not actively working) and someone else walks in the room to talk to me, I turn my phone off.
If I am actively working, I will ask them to hold that thought for a few minutes while I finish what I’m doing, give them an estimated timeline, and then finish up and talk to them.
I feel more focused and my family feels important to me.
Early Bedtime
I’m not talking about the old, “you back sassin’ me boy? Go to bed, no dinner!” type of early bedtime.
Early bedtimes may feel like a punishment for kids sometimes but they are usually set for good reason:
- A late night the night before or they have just been cranky all-day
- They had a busy day all day today and are just emotionally/physically drained
- You have an early morning tomorrow
Take the cue and treat yourself the same way.
- Go to bed, even just a short nap, if you’ve been cranky all day or your body just feels done. Can you say siesta?
- Have a big presentation the next day? Prep for it, then just go to bed. Excess prep probably won’t do that much more if you’re exhausted in the morning
- Long day? Turn off your phone, wind down with some tea and a hot shower, then go to bed
Cancel Events
“If you don’t clean your room, you’re not having a sleepover.”
Guess, what, if they want the sleepover, they clean their room.
If they don’t want the sleepover, the room stays messy and you find out they’re not comfortable with that friend coming over or they just don’t want it enough to work for it.
Either way, you find out what they want.
Do the same for yourself.
When you have an event planned tonight but reeeeaaallly don’t want to go, you might drag your feet getting ready and end up hurried and late anyways.
Be honest with yourself and don’t be afraid to say no to things that don’t add value to your life.
If it’s your best friend’s birthday and you want to make them feel special but hate the restaurant they chose to throw a party and you know that day will be hectic at work, maybe pass on the party and plan a special lunch together at another time.
You can still celebrate their special day but won’t feel the dread of doing something you don’t want to do.
I’m not saying to turn every social event ever down and become a hermit, but don’t feel obligated to live your life by other people’s demands. Stand up for yourself and find other ways to create special times with those you care about.
Wrap-Up
Many of the childhood punishments we hated as kids are adulting life goals we should all seek for ourselves. Stay active, set boundaries, create a positive mindset, and get enough sleep.
Take care of yourself and hopefully set a good example for the little ones in your life.
Adulting Life Goals
- Exercise
- Say Something Nice
- Take Away Screens
- Early Bedtime
- Cancel Events
Deck of Cards Exercises
Mr. Bean turns this into a training game for himself and the kids regularly too, just for fun. Sometimes, they incorporate trivia questions to try to skip out of certain cards, combining learning and exercise.
- Assign each suit an exercise (examples)
- Hearts- Push-ups
- Diamonds- Squats
- Clubs- Sit-Ups
- Spades- Jumping-Jacks
- Joker- Burpees
- Shuffle The Deck
- Choose a Card and do that amount of the exercise (easier ones like jumping-jacks and squats get doubled or tripled)
- Assign your own exercises and rules then have fun creating an interesting and engaging workout (or “punishment”)
*I’ve got RA, so even if I did ever want to smack a kid, I’d probably hurt myself more than them, like physically, for real.
I love naps!