How do you teach your child responsibility?
In our instant-gratification, social media-filled world, it can be so easy to just plug a kid into their tablet and get things done around them, especially when they’re young. Constantly having kids underfoot is a hard way to accomplish anything, so “why bother?”
Our kids are our world, we want their lives to be so much better than ours ever was. We send them to private schools so they can be smarter than we were. They’re involved in nonstop extracurricular activities to ensure they have physical abilities and the right amount of socialization for college applications.
Kids are so busy doing all the amazing things that should make them great that most parents don’t want to put any extra pressure on them at home.
But in our desire to give our kids everything, we are often taking away the basic necessity that makes for great adults: responsibility.
I have been complimented time and again for how responsible and mature my 2 kids are at 9 and 11. We have never done anything that we think is spectacular or hard to achieve this.
Here are some of our top tips for How to Teach Your Child Responsibility:
Teach Your Child Your Phone Number and Address
Teaching a child their phone number and address used to be THE most basic thing just 20 years ago. Nowadays with smartphones and auto-dial, people tend to forget to teach their children their phone numbers and address.
Mr. Bean was teaching jiu-jitsu one day and a child’s parents were super late picking them up. He asked this 10-year-old what his mom’s phone number was and he had no idea! What if there was an emergency? This poor kid would be completely lost.
How We Taught Our Kids Their Phone Number:
Most people have done away with a home phone but I’m sure mom or dad have a cell phone.
I taught my kids my cell phone number in the easiest way possible: repetition.
Do you know how stores and restaurants want you to enter your phone number to earn points or get coupons? I have been having my kids enter my phone number ever since they were old enough to mostly recognize numbers.
I’d throw my toddler on my hip or on the counter then tell them each number, one at a time starting when they were like 2 or 3 years old.
As they got older, they ran to enter the number on their own because “I know it myself, mommy.”
Doing this simple thing every time we went to the grocery store or ordered bubble tea not only taught them my phone number but also gave them confidence and taught them how to interact with cashiers. Another important life skill.
How We Taught Our Kids Their Address:
For our address, we went old school and taught our kids the address song from Wee Sing in Sillyville. Sing it while playing on the swings, in the car, or anywhere you’re bored and waiting. (Probably not in public though, that might be a bit weird to give everyone your address.)
Another super simple thing that so many kids don’t know is their parents’ names. You’re not just Mom and Dad. Make sure they know you are Julie and Bill Smith. It makes finding you if your child is ever lost so much easier.
Teach Your Child to Plan Ahead and Care For Themselves
Another day at jiu-jitsu (can you tell where Mr. Bean came up with the idea for this post?) 2 sisters arrived at class. They are probably around 11 and 13 years old. They did not have their belts.
Mr. Bean asked them where their belts were (It is a required part of the uniform). They responded that “their mom forgot to pack their belts.”
Mr. Bean, being his teasing self said “you mean your MOM forgot to pack HER belt? If SHE forgot to pack something then it must be HER’S. If it is YOUR belt then it should be YOUR responsibility to pack it, right?”
Girls: “But we had school this morning, so she packs our after-school activity stuff. SHE forgot them.”
Mr. B: “Why should your mom have to be responsible for packing your equipment? Just pack it all the night before.”
Girls: “Whaaat? Why would we do that?”
Taking responsibility to prepare themselves for success was a completely foreign idea to them.
Kids need to practice planning ahead and taking responsibility for their own success. How will they be able to function in college or adulthood if they are only used to mom and dad doing everything for them?
How We Teach Our Kids to Plan Ahead
We are a homeschool family but as most homeschoolers know, we are almost never home!
Our kids have charter school, co-op, jiu-jitsu, gymnastics, basketball, arts and crafts, ice skating, and any other sport or activity that may pop up that term. Each and every activity requires some form of equipment: from pencils and notebooks to gis and ice skates.
As mom, I try my hardest to make sure we remember everything, but getting themselves ready for each activity is the responsibility of the child.
We have different backpacks and gear holders for different activities. If we know we will have back-to-back classes the next day, each kid will fill their respective bags with the necessary gear the night before. In the morning, they will carry all required bags to the trunk when we leave for the day.
As I shuttle them from one place to another, we all know they have everything they need and I don’t have to rush around the house looking for missing belts or shoes. At the end of the day, they carry all their bags inside, sort dirty laundry into the correct hamper, and get their bags ready for the next day, if necessary.
It helps them focus on what they need to succeed in each of their chosen classes and allows me to focus on my own responsibilities and actually enjoy watching them learn a backflip.
Teach Your Child Responsibility with Chores
- Is it just easier to do the dishes yourself? Duh.
- Can you fold the towels way faster and neater than your 5-year-old? Of course.
- Does your 12-year-old whine every time you ask them to put their clothes in the hamper? Probably.
But too bad. Kiddos need to learn this stuff to become successful adults. And, if you try to take on every responsibility in the house yourself, you will definitely feel overloaded and go crazy.
Teach your kids to help around the house and expect them to do it. Here is a totally reasonable list of different chores kids should be able to do by age group. If your kid has no idea how to do something at or below their age level, slowly start teaching them how.
The best way to teach a new skill is:
- Have them watch while you do it
- Let them join and help you, do it together
- Have them do it themself while you are there to watch and help if needed
- Then, let them do it on their own. You can give helpful pointers afterward but don’t criticize. If they got the basics and are happy with their own work, sweet! Don’t let perfect be the enemy of done.
How We Handle Chores
As a mommy with RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis), there are a lot of things I physically just have a hard time doing. I have made a point to teach my kids how to do a lot of things around the house so that if I am ever unable to do something, they are fully capable of taking over should the need arrive.
They also have regular chores they are expected to do, as a member of the family, in order to keep the house running.
My kids’ chore list (ages 9 and 11)
- Take turns emptying the dishwasher daily (If they do not empty the dishwasher by dinner time, I empty it and they have to load the whole day’s worth of dishes before going to bed. They don’t forget to empty very often)
- Clean the kitty litter box daily
- Take out the garbage daily
- Sort and wash the laundry weekly (I have a very hard time lifting and switching loads so they wash and I fold. I find folding slightly meditative anyways.)
- Change out the kitty litter every other week
In addition to this, they help out with other cleaning tasks like vacuuming, putting away groceries, and anything else as needed. They are my biggest helpers ever and I am so happy they are capable little humans, even if they grumble about it sometimes.
Wrap-Up
Kids are wonderful, energy-packed balls of joy. Of course, they drive us nuts sometimes, but they are the future of the world and it is our responsibility to make sure they’re ready.
Give them the world but also prepare them to take over.
So many people today are riddled with anxiety and a feeling of being incapable. We are all so used to the instant gratification of Google and Amazon Prime that we forget that sometimes, you gotta do the hard stuff.
Give your kids responsibility now so that they have the freedom of knowledge and ability in the future.
Check out these other articles for teaching your kids about money, budgeting, and taking accountability.
What do you think? Do you wish you had had more responsibility when you were younger? Did you have too much? How did it help you or not as you came into adulthood? Leave a comment below.
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