For the last 9 years, I have been a stay-at-home mom, and love it!
I get to homeschool our kids and spend every day with them. Watching them mature and learn new things is amazing.
But as a stay-at-home mom, or SAHM, I am heavily dependent on my spouse’s income. He goes to work every day to ensure we can live the life we do.
For the last year, I have been a member of a Women’s Person Finance Group online. In recent months, there have been A LOT of posts about women who were SAHMs for years but are now facing divorce or a spouse’s death and have no financial security.
I want to just reach out and hug these ladies as their lives seemingly fall apart around them.
They often had no idea what was going on with their family finances. So when the worst happened, they had no way to support themselves or their children when their spouse’s income was suddenly gone!
- Husbands decided to trade-in for a newer model, a 22-year-old secretary.
- Some became physically or emotionally abusive.
- Others suddenly died in a car accident or became fatally ill.
As a SAHM myself, I want to share the steps every stay-at-home parent (mom or dad) should take to ensure they are financially secure should their spouse’s income suddenly disappear.
(I refer to Stay-at-Home Moms, and SAHMs, throughout this article but this is true for Stay-at-Home Dads as well.)
Stay-at-Home Mom, Be Involved With Your Family Finances
As the non-breadwinner, stay-at-home parents often fall into the role of paying daily bills. We might handle things like grocery shopping, doctor’s appointments, kids’ field trip costs, and such, but leave the big bills to the spouses.
SAHMs could have no idea about things like family water bills, life insurance, or retirement investments.
As a SAHM, it is essential to get involved with the bigger family finances. Even if you and your spouse agree he should handle the big bills, make sure you at least have a basic understanding of what gets paid to who and where all the accounts are kept.
Have your spouse write down a list of banks and vendors that are essential to your family, along with passwords. Know where this list is and check in with them every once in a while to just know what’s going on. (An important step to Preparing for What-Ifs)
By being more involved, you can better work as a team. Planning for future vacations, getting out of debt, and just being financially stable.
If your spouse is suddenly gone, you will at least have a base idea of where all the money is and how to continue on with life as best as possible.
Don’t Be Afraid to Be the CFO
Even as a SAHM, I am actually our family CFO (Chief Financial Officer). Mr. Bean makes the majority of the money right now, but because I actually enjoy it, I handle ALL of the family bills, big and small. (Most of our bills are paid Automatically, check out my article on How I Hide Money From Myself.)
Any time a big bill comes in, I make sure to mention it to Mr. Bean, just so he has some idea of what is going on. A few times a year, he sits down with me and I run through our different bank accounts, just so he has an idea of what money is where.
If we have a family goal, like buying a new car (How Much Car Can I Afford?) or planning a big vacation, we discuss it and create a plan.
By discussing our finances on a regular basis, we are both able to feel confident and connected in regards to our money should something bad happen to either of us.
Stay-at-Home Mom, Have Your Own Money
If the Sh*t hits the fan, it is important to have your own money as a Stay-at-Home Parent.
Imagine your breadwinner spouse suddenly decides to leave you and the kids and move to another state right after draining all their bank accounts.
Or gets thrown in jail due to some business fraud and all their assets get frozen.
Maybe your husband has slapped you around for the last time and you need to take the kids and hide with your sister two states away.
These are some extreme what-if examples, but things like this happen!
It is so important for stay-at-home moms to have access to their own money, in their name.
How We Do It
As a loving couple in a happy marriage, almost all of our bank accounts are joint. Mr. Bean and I want to ensure that either of us can access our money without any problem should something happen to the other.
But we also both have an account solely in each of our names. This was not actually done on purpose.
He opened an account at the credit union to auto-pay car payments years ago and we’ve just been too lazy for me to go down to the brick-and-mortar location to put me on.
I opened an account for my real estate business expenses and just forgot to click the box to have a co-owner. But we both feel secure knowing that there is money solely in our names.
This is not a “ready to leave the marriage” account, but a just-in-case account. We both know of the accounts and have the log-in information. And we are both the beneficiaries of each other’s accounts.
In a strong marriage, these are just another bank account. But for a SAHM with a rocky marriage, this type of account can be a lifesaver.
Find a way to contribute a little bit regularly. A few dollars here and there can really add up over time.
Contribute to Your Own IRA
Saving for retirement is important. A working spouse often has access to a 401k or similar account at work. Retirement accounts are only allowed to be held in the account holder’s name though. There are no joint accounts.
As a stay-at-home parent, you can actually open an IRA (Individual Retirement Account) on your own as well!
IRA contributions need to be from earned income, but as a married couple, you can contribute to an IRA, in your name, with money from your spouse’s paycheck.
This is an awesome way to take advantage of tax-advantaged retirement accounts. It can save you taxes and ensure you are both able to have a comfortable retirement.
If something happens to your spouse, you still have full access to that money. Because it’s yours.
And if you have a Roth IRA, you can actually access your contributions before the traditional retirement age if you really need that money. (AKA emergency trip to live with your sister to get away from an abusive relationship) (Traditional vs Roth IRA)
So whether your relationship is rock solid, or kinda shaky, make sure to open an IRA in your name.
Stay at Home Mom, Make Your Own Money
Having multiple streams of income is a great way to build wealthier any family!
Relying on a single source of income can be scary, especially for a stay-at-home mom. You have no control over how good your spouse is at their job. They could suddenly get laid off or fired.
If possible, build your own stream of income. No matter how big or small.
- Get a part-time job, working from home or outside the home.
- Start your own small business.
- Could be as big as a consulting firm or as small as baking cupcakes once a month for friend’s birthday parties (Hustle or Hassle)
- Offer to babysit
- If you’re home watching your own kids, maybe include an extra kid or 2 a few times a week to bring in some money
If your family is able to comfortably live on your spouse’s salary, it doesn’t matter how little you bring in, just that you are able to bring in something.
Those few dollars can add up in your own account or can be the safety net for you and your kids if your spouse suddenly disappears from your life. Just knowing that you can make your own money gives you the confidence and ability to better make it on your own.
Stay Marketable, Even as a Stay-at-Home Mom
Before kids, you might have been an account executive, IT wiz, or any other such working wonder. When you’ve been a stay-at-home parent for years, it can be easy to fall behind on what’s happening in your industry and become a less desirable hire.
As much as possible, stay marketable in your chosen industry:
- Keep up on your certifications, if it makes sense
- Stay in contact with coworkers and industry friends so you know who’s doing what
- A quick email or lunch date every few months can do wonders
- Read up on current events in your industry
If you ever decide or need, to go back to work, it will be much easier. Update your resume and make contacts to get back in faster than if you seemingly disappeared off the face of the industry Earth.
Build a Strong Financial Base Whether You’re a Stay-at-Home Mom or Not
Whether you’re a stay-at-home parent, a working parent, or not a parent at all, it is important to have a strong financial base. (Check out my Path to Wealth)
- Build a 6-month Emergency Fund
- Pay off Debt
- Contribute to your Retirement
By building a strong financial base for your family, you can feel more confident that you and your family will be taken care of no matter what happens.
One of the leading causes of divorce is financial issues.
Work together as a couple to build a strong financial base. You can create a stronger marriage, more security, and overall confidence in your life.
Wrap-Up
Being a Stay-at-Home Mom is a wonderful blessing so many working parents do not get to experience.
But with the freedom of staying home with your kids, you often become reliant on your spouse.
Whether you have a strong marriage or a rocky one, it is important to become financially secure as a SAHM.
But luckily, every step to becoming a financially secure Stay-at-Home Mom is actually an important step to becoming a financially stable family as well.
Have you ever personally experienced the sudden loss of a spouse’s income? What were you happy you had or wish you had had to be financially secure? Leave a comment below!
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